technology frustrates me. it brings out a side of me that sometimes surprises me with the degree of its aggression. i mean, sheesh, lisa. it's just a complex collection of various parts held together and powered by jolts of eletricity. it doesn't know anything more or anything less than what it's supposed to do.
but it frustrates me beyond reason when those various parts don't work, or are seemingly conspiring to not produce the result i expect of it, sniggering quietly amongst themselves at how funny i am when i'm angry. and i think what antagonises me so much is the fact that i can't directly speak to it and yield any sort of productive result. i can't ask it what's wrong, i can't hit it to make it do what i want (although, at times this method does work, especially with bigger, clunkier machines), and i can't sit it down and patiently try and reach out to it and tell it what it's doing is wrong and it needs to go and think about it in the corner.
i'm not an aggressive person in general. i don't punch a wall when something goes wrong, and i'm very much against physically hurting someone to get my way (tickling included). but i realise i'm always trying to understand what's going on. i have this near-desperate need to comprehend the complexity of something so that i can tell myself what to think or feel. and my inability to solve something wrong via quick googling makes me unable to understand, and this ignorance upsets me.
i hate not understanding. my mind runs away with my incomprehension and uses it for evil, gleefully tipping garbage bins over and pressing all the elevator buttons before leaving the car, scribbling all sorts of bad thoughts on the walls and making me antsy.
and right now, i don't understand what's going on, and i'm alone with my thoughts so much of the time, it's driving me crazy. i can't get them out or say them out loud. and so i'm venting. i'm doing what so many people with blogs are doing and i'm expressing myself here in particular for no other reason than to see my thoughts in arial size 10 and try and slowly understand myself.
Labels: life